I crave a life of constant motion, yet I only ever wanted her as my one true anchor. My mind loves to wander and change, but my heart stays fixed on that single person. I used to imagine our days together, waking up slow and starting our world by the afternoon. I loved the idea of chasing a new thought and then dropping it by evening if it felt right, knowing she was the constant in every shifting plan. I wanted that relaxed, hydrated, and easy existence where being obsessed with her was my favorite part of the day.

Losing that future feels like losing the very ground I walk on. It is a year since we broke up, yet the weight of it stays heavy because she was my first and my last. I see a thousand people and do a thousand things, but none of it matters when the one person I want to come home to is gone. I find myself crying over her specifically because she was the lens for every beautiful thing I imagined. Every dream I built had her face in it, and now those dreams feel like empty rooms I can no longer enter.

Now I am left with a version of myself that feels adrift. I still want that quiet, pushed back life where I can just be, but the silence feels different without her. I wanted to give her everything I have and find my peace in her presence. It is hard to look at the world and see beauty when the person I wanted to share it with is a memory. I am trying to figure out how to exist in this new reality while still carrying the love I have for a life that ended before it truly began.